Entry title: Yes, i really love u.
Date / Time : Friday, June 26, 2009 / 8:03 AM
Im suppose to write on my trip to Mersing like wat i promised my friend to... but .. everything become in a state of chaos when the results to enter local uni are out.. Yes, i did not get any offer. Not even a single one, it was devastated for me.. i thought i could handle it, but, i was wrong. i could not and i really have a terrible mental break down. i couldnt think of wat to do next, i couldnt sleep or eat. I just feel the lose of faith within me and i totally gave up on everything. Everyone around me was shock, my teacher, friends and family. Yet, i will still hav to accept the fact tht i've lost it.. the one and only chance to prove my ability and to achieve my dreams. I wondered wat went wrong, i wondered wat i've done wrong for God to punish me.. I didnt know why, i couldnt find the answer...
The moment of despair was a terrible moment for me, but all the while, he was by my side. helping me with wat he could. I have once doubt his feelings towards me, but after all this it became clear. He was there every moment, giving me all the courage i needed. He completes me at tht moment, he brought me back to life. When i felt everything is giving up on me, he made me feel to be the only one holding me tight. Step by step, he brought me back to the path of determination.. struggle through the hardship, and made me feel there is still hope.And then one by one, i feel the presence of friendship and family bond.. everyone was trying to help me, advice me, give me the courage, so tht i can get through it.. he remind me the presence of other important things and in the same time to grab the opportunity to set my goals back. Now, i finally feel the hope, the hope that i opt for so much. i've choosen the road to believe in the things i believe it could happen. im glad to do it. i've prayed and at least i feel it is answered. although the outcome is yet to be discover, at least i did not give up and i try everything i could. He is now leaving, and i know i have to face the world alone for now, but his voice will always be deep in me.. reminding me to have great determination.. and tht was the greatest yet precious birthday present i could every get. im letting him go.. i want him to have freedom tht wat a person should have.. nop ..tht doesnt mean we are breaking up.. but i do not restrict him from just loving me. i believe in faith. i cant believe me saying this, but i do love him alot. i cherish, love, and is grateful to have him. Despite so many obstacle we went through, it is now something tht i feel thts worth it. Even if it doesnt last, i'm proud to say tht i have someone so great b4. Thoughts, love, moments, tht i will remeber for the rest of my life.Entry title: time to express...
Date / Time : Thursday, June 4, 2009 / 10:04 AM
Actually, its really late now... its 1.05am.. but all i can think of is blogging.. i've just came back from ozo.. its the place that i like to go whenever i have any problems... and the person tht always accompany me is pk.. mm.. im really glad to have a good friend like her.. yes, definetely, everyone has its own problem. But it might just happen tht i have more than others... however, i still feel tht im lucky to have many great ppl around me.. those who cherish and love me so much.. and i wouldnt want to disappoint them.
Now, im once again at the point of making decision. the point where i need to think matury and think of the consequences of my action.. yes i know it sounds serious.. at least to me it is.. i dont know wat will be the out come.. but i believe everything happen for a reason and there is no one to blame.. Well, u guys must be wondering wat im talking.. but sadly, i couldnt tell anyone. I believe those who know me very well would understand.
I found that many ppl have difficulties in expressing themselve.. so do i.. but tht doesnt mean that im heartless or emotionless.. sometimes things just get harder to express when things get complicated. And i believe most of us go through this b4.
After thinking for quite a long time.. i've think of the things i want wiith my life. and now... i'll need to think on how to fulfill that.. thinking and dreaming is easy.. but doing it is actually the hard part. One thing for sure... sometimes, things are unreplaceable... no matter how good somethings are replaced with,,, it will never be the same.. so, we will need to decide wat are the things tht should be replace and not to..
and promises are meant to be fulfill, not broken....
