Entry title: Yes, i really love u.
Date / Time : Friday, June 26, 2009 / 8:03 AM
Im suppose to write on my trip to Mersing like wat i promised my friend to... but .. everything become in a state of chaos when the results to enter local uni are out.. Yes, i did not get any offer. Not even a single one, it was devastated for me.. i thought i could handle it, but, i was wrong. i could not and i really have a terrible mental break down. i couldnt think of wat to do next, i couldnt sleep or eat. I just feel the lose of faith within me and i totally gave up on everything. Everyone around me was shock, my teacher, friends and family. Yet, i will still hav to accept the fact tht i've lost it.. the one and only chance to prove my ability and to achieve my dreams. I wondered wat went wrong, i wondered wat i've done wrong for God to punish me.. I didnt know why, i couldnt find the answer...
The moment of despair was a terrible moment for me, but all the while, he was by my side. helping me with wat he could. I have once doubt his feelings towards me, but after all this it became clear. He was there every moment, giving me all the courage i needed. He completes me at tht moment, he brought me back to life. When i felt everything is giving up on me, he made me feel to be the only one holding me tight. Step by step, he brought me back to the path of determination.. struggle through the hardship, and made me feel there is still hope.And then one by one, i feel the presence of friendship and family bond.. everyone was trying to help me, advice me, give me the courage, so tht i can get through it.. he remind me the presence of other important things and in the same time to grab the opportunity to set my goals back. Now, i finally feel the hope, the hope that i opt for so much. i've choosen the road to believe in the things i believe it could happen. im glad to do it. i've prayed and at least i feel it is answered. although the outcome is yet to be discover, at least i did not give up and i try everything i could. He is now leaving, and i know i have to face the world alone for now, but his voice will always be deep in me.. reminding me to have great determination.. and tht was the greatest yet precious birthday present i could every get. im letting him go.. i want him to have freedom tht wat a person should have.. nop ..tht doesnt mean we are breaking up.. but i do not restrict him from just loving me. i believe in faith. i cant believe me saying this, but i do love him alot. i cherish, love, and is grateful to have him. Despite so many obstacle we went through, it is now something tht i feel thts worth it. Even if it doesnt last, i'm proud to say tht i have someone so great b4. Thoughts, love, moments, tht i will remeber for the rest of my life.
