Entry title: Deepavali..
Date / Time : Tuesday, October 28, 2008 / 5:39 AM
Actually it wasnt the first time i go to ppl's house and celebrate deepavali. But this time, its kinda traditional i guess.. first we had some Muruku.. which i really like a lot.. then there was those suggee biscuit..and etc la.. all so nice lor.. then i was thinking " i'll going to be so so so fat after this" haha... aiyah. one year once only ma.. eat lor..then eat eat eat.. the "cute " mr luqman push everything in front of me and tell nathan i say not enough.. so evil... then there comes the main dish...TADA~!!! banana leaf??? full of question marks.. haha.. its the plate, nathan say he is lazy to wash the plates so we will be using banana leaf instead. And ya, we are using our hands also... i say ya!!! thats fun, although its a bit disgusting la... anyway.. we had a really great and nice lunch there.. thanks Nathan!!! thx auntie!! (nathan's mum)
Im going to Mano's house this thursday.. lets see wats the difference then.. hehe
everyone is enjoying.. eating with hands..hehe
Zhi Howe's innocent look.. kinda wierd, eating it with spoon and fork with banana leaf...
Muruku....my favourite~
this one also very nice lor.. but i dont know wat is it call... hehe
Entry title: days~
Date / Time : Monday, October 27, 2008 / 9:20 AM
yup, exam is just around the corner, and im really starting to freak out, just seems that there is so many things to prepare and im running out of days. Exam is coming and that means we are again going into different world. A world where we are nt familiar of. And is which im quite scared of. this time we are really leaving those school life for sure. The life where we wear uniform, disiplins, homework.... and etc...i'll definetely miss some of my friends. Leaving sch means making other choices. where we go next.? wat type of course? financial? haih.. all those common question popping out again, really dont want to so lost like the form 5 time again. so so so lost and dont wat can i do.. this time im really going for wat i want and something that im interested in. garduation also means that we are separating again. Again im going to go through the sad and evil separating thing again. So scared that the history will repeat itself. suddenly, i just thought that i shouldnt think so far away but instead should cherish all i have now. the love that ppl give it to me..and the support ...
Entry title: expression, undeniedable fact to reveal the truth.
Date / Time : Sunday, October 26, 2008 / 8:06 AM
ketUm gedam..gedum gedam... the music was really loud. To be precise, i was at the Dewan eside the playground of kluang town.. i was ask to help out at my dad stall as my brother went for his scout camp. so, i said, why not? its been quite a long time since i hep out in stall. As u know the hall was situated near the Little India Town in kluang. And ya, last minute shopping counts for every races. I guess the deepavali mood is in the air. the road was jamed with cars and the situation was actually quite "meriah". mm.. anyway, i'll still have to sell my jagung and ice cream. At first, the businness wasnt very good. So, i decided to observe ppl.. hehe.. thats wat u do when u are too free right?? MM.. how can i put it? shall i say, hilarious>?? ya.. i think so.. haha.. k.. the one that gave me quite a deep impression is when a mum trying to 'convince' her children not to buy anything from us. this is wat she said, " you want to eat again? mummy didnt bring money, cannot buy!!" little boy cry, then she said again " i say already mummy no money now , u ask uncle no money want to give u eat or not lor?!!!" then he cray again. " mummy go take money in the car, now no money la!!!" then i was thinking, this woman is really crazy, dont she feel embarasse for not having any money??? or shouting in front of so many ppl,? at least she should have say it politely to her child ma... walao eh, poor children... Then after 10 minutes, she return, walk towards me and said... " oh my god buy, mummy thought the corn in 1 dollar, mummy only take 2 dollar only. (the price stated clearly its RM 2.30) then i was like,,,.... gosh. when is this woman going to stop?? then she end up buying a can of drink from me. and ya.. its 2 bucks... haha.. finally, she got enough money huh?? i continue to observe, there are basically two types of parents, one is the show-off type and the other one is the "support" type. Let me eleborate, the children are all dress up for the performance and the parents too do the same~ i wonder? who is performing? their parents or the kids.? they even seems to be more excited than the kids lor.. thats really wat we called "PARENTS" then the other type who dress in plain clothes and show their concern actually reminds me of my childhood. My mum used to do that too. In the middle of the event, they will buy something for their children, worried that they might be hungry or something like that.. well, at least i think thats sweet.. sitting and watching ppl's expression actually tells me that emotions are just something so sophisicated.. every expression on the face of a person just shows the emotion and type of feeling a particular person is going through. sometimes, u just cant hide it from others how u actually feel at that time, its all written on ur face, Its just impossible to hide. Honestly, its really miserable to hide.. believe me, its really torturing. so... just express urself, if ur getting frustrated fast, i think a deep breath is really essential at that time.. try to think at the happy times, maybe that will work too.. at least, it does for me, ... being urself is the key to have a happy life. Its the theory that i actually learn from form 6. Its really kind a annoying when u know that ppl are spreading nonsense about u and hating u.. well, accept it and try to change for urself is a much better choice than just saying that u dont care. cause, deep inside, u know u do care~. Express it~ cause ur a human!~
Entry title: Past. present. future ...
Date / Time : Tuesday, October 21, 2008 / 7:53 AM
Yesterday. The day which is said to be very important to me. A day where i made the right decision. Its already been one year. And this is the day where i put to a stop to all the chaos last year. Yes, i will never know wat will happen if my decision would be the other one, it will remain as a mystery forever, at least, im glad and bless with someone whom care for me so much. No matter how far i push him away from me, he just hang it on and never give up. Its his determination and courage which impress me. Thinking back to that particular time, the most important thing that i need wasnt attention, love, or consideration. I just need someone to trust me. He was the only one whom is willing to that at that time. im really happy to have him despite watever critics ppl give, its my decision and i think it really proves that im wright.Relationship is just a miraculous thing, no matter how u avoid it, when its time to come, it will. some people opt to love someone secretly and are willing to sacrifice for him or her no matter wat happen. And some are daring enough to go forward to express themselves. unfortunately, there are some who doesnt believe in love at all. Sad to say, i use to be one of them . But when it comes to me, its really undenieable making me happy, sad, and excited. sacrifice are made to make each other happy or just a smile on the face will make all the hard work alll worth it. Thus, i guess the 'not believe in love' thing was only a phrase for those who is yet to denied it.
Entry title: The One Who Brought Me Up~
Date / Time : Sunday, October 19, 2008 / 8:13 AM
she was only 18 when she gave birth to her first child. Bearing the resposility to take care of a yong baby and a not very cconsiderate husband at that time was quite a misery for a young woman like her.But she was determined to walk through the life she had choosen. Patience and love was her only piriority to her baby and husband. she hope and opt for a better future. She tried her best to give as much as she could to give the best to her children. Both her daughter married young. Now, she just yearn to take a look at her grandchild. However, something was blocking a close relationship with her daughters. No matter what, she still love them more than anyone else. i see her tears rolled down form her cheek, disapponted by the fake promises that her daughter had made b4 marriage. She had the determination for nearly 30 years and sacrifice for her family. Never once to neglect her family. But in return, no one could understnd her well enough and give her the love and attention she always wanted. On 19th of october, i saw it. I saw everything through her eyes, the love, patient, sacrifice, determination, just everything! she had done for this family. I know why she had been to naggy all this while, so intollerance on certain things, so stubborn. its all because of love. ya.. the same old phrase, its all because of us. Now i know how many times i has cause misery for her. no matter wat happen, she was always there for me. giving me the right responsility, the right advice, the right opinion... my guardian angel...
i went with her to Singapore for sorta dress hunting spree. She wanted to get me my dress for the dinner so much. We went there at about 9 and reach around 12. Then we first stop at a shop near the market, she said there was a dress there which is quite nice and wanted me to try it out. Well, honestly, i dont think its ok for me.. but since she said its nice, i tried it on. Its looks quite ok.. but im not really in that type of drss and its not really fit..She looks really disappointed when i said i dont like. and ya, that really made me guilty. later on, she took me over to Orchard Road. ..mm.. its really expensive lor actually, so, i only opt for one dress and a pair of high heels. we went straight to daniel yau butik. mm.. tried on a few one. then i made the decision to take the white one. At the counter, " why dont u take bith the dress, it look really nice on you" I said, " crazy ah,. so expensive, u convert and see~~" PIak!! she beat me~ "who ask u to convert oh? buy for u also dont want!!" then i was like, so many question mark on my head, mm.. since when its bad to save some money? then she said just take both. she then bring me to another session, ask me to try again and buy again, than go for shoe, than bought again. my heart was bleeding. I had never spend so much in my life. so so so much. she keep asking me to buy but after that i just said no to everything!!! i said enough is enough, im not going to buy anything.!! she just smile and said, as long u like and happy, then everything is worth it. i was so so so so so so so X!10000000zillion times guilty~then we rush to the train station and i head home. on the train~ i really could not bear anymore and cry~!.. ish, i keep hiding my face... haha.. so embarrase. i cry because i have seen my mum suffer so much, i cry because i really spend so much money and really guilty about it.. Kinda a stupid and foolish. But after u know wat i have went through with my mum, i dont think anyone will feel thats foolish. At last, i sms her and say if im not fillial to u next time, remember to give me a slap and kill me. i dont want to be one of those who hurt her. i love her. without her, i'll never be who i am now. i couldnt express how gratefull i am to her,.. just wish that she could be happy to have me... and wish she could be healthy always.. a post dedicated to her. The One Who Brought Me Up.
Entry title: Surrender..
Date / Time : Thursday, October 16, 2008 / 7:37 AM
xing fu~ a word that has always been far away from me.. im glad, now, its in me. Although im still disappointed that on those unhappy things happen to me, but, i know, there are still ppl supporting me.. a simple word, a simple smile, a simple glance, from those that i know they care, meant so much to me. After a year and a half of struggle, its really enough for me. im not going to look back to it anymore. It will be my memory forever, a story that thought me to be strong. Exam is coming real soon, i really have to bulk up. dont ever want my 1 and a half year misery to be wasted like that. Life is just unpredictable. It never turn out the way i wanted not even one. Finally, i learn to accept it. i surrender.
"Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness, and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about."
Entry title: The truth~
Date / Time : Saturday, October 11, 2008 / 8:47 AM
Truth. Often ppl pay a great price in order to find out the wat they want to know or even just to hide the truth from anyone else.. As for me, i prefer to let the truth speak for itself. after going through so many things these 2 years, i've decided that its enough for me to "mourn" for those who assume themselve to know the truth about me. We usually will only think of something based on our own point of view. How about the views of others? and we assume ppl to do the right or wrong thing, how about the things that we did ourself? did we think that by assuming wat others thinking or doing is actually hurting ppl and ruin ppl's reputation. On the surface, we might say that those little stuff wont hurt much for anyone, but no matter how small it is, it just reflex how matured the person who is assuming it and the person who is being assume. Ok.. let me take an example.. If a woman is force to sell herself in order to safe her own life, does that make her a hooker? or someone who is determined to try out every possibilities to just keep on living? many will say that there is always other better way to solve a problem, but think, how many times that we did something bad only to realise that there is a better way in doing it after that? Well, of course im not saying that we should run away from the responsilities for the consequences of our action, but, just think, who are we to determined one is right or wrong? Is there any guide line for it.Until now, i believe that there is always another side of a story to everything. being someone who is marked as the "bad girl" i realise something very special yet irony. Those who "marked or label" ppl are oftenly those being "marked" too. I believe that it is more or less the "karma" in our daily life, just that we are too busy to realise it because humans just like to comment , comment, and comment. I admit that i did many stupid mistake in my life including trusting someone that i thougth will be part of my life one day and it bought me misery. ya, i paid for it and i just love the friends and those who trust and help me through. mm.. thats when i realise who should be my friend and should not. I learn to trust the right person and learn to say "im sorry" and indeed these two word meant alot and at last it bring me back to life. Perseverance. Patience. Love. Trust. Hope. It gave me everything i owned now. I persevere for the bad times im going through. I learn to be patient to deal with things. I love those who love me. I trust the right person. I hope for the best. At last, the truth is, i trust wat im doing and hope others do the same.
Entry title: Wat is PeAce?
Date / Time : Wednesday, October 8, 2008 / 6:57 AM
I was honestly quite frustrated today. Trying to control my bad temper. Maybe its because the exam is so near and im really quite stress out. Ya .. everyone is trying their best to prepare for the stpm exam. And i just suddenly feel like running away from everything. Why do i have such feeling? Is it because im not able to cope with stress? aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! feel like to bang the wall la.. aiks... my friend would probably tell me later my house will collapse if i do so. I read some news on some politic issue going on nowadays.. i do think that the whole world is going upside down. Everyone is chasing for power, fame, wealth,.. The percentage of those caring for peace? I think its getting lesser everyday. By the end of the day, will those chasing for power, fame or wealth turn back and realise wat is the most important thing in this world? Aren't we humans, a species which are same? Killing each other over materials things would only make us behave more like creatures , animals, .... But humans will only realise how important is something when they loss it? Isnt that irony? I personally think that its funny and foolish and yet i tend to the same like others...~
Entry title: trying~
Date / Time : Monday, October 6, 2008 / 11:46 PM
went to sch today as usual, and guess wat, we have something they called tekmenso .. its an activity held by the school in order to get us prepared for the coming stpm exam. First, we have for our chemistry, then maths. All we did is exercise, as im really bad in my maths and chemistry, i find it quite difficult for me, especially maths, i think im really too dump for maths. i tried really hard, and sitting with my schoolmates...they seems to be alot smarter than me and that really let me feel small and useless.. somehow, im still grateful to have friends like that, they taught me everything they know patiently... (i really got lots of question to ask) at least i learn something from them which i think it would be a great help in the coming exam. As for tml, we will be having tekmenso on pengajian am and physic subject. hopefully i'll get something usefull from it. i'll have to try harder each day. Its tough, but its worth a try!!
I find this sign board kinda funny.. i think they should put it in classroom too..
mm.. its been quite long since i updated my blog huh?~ well, its been quite busy for me during the raya break.. yaya.. i know im suppose to study, haha.. but as usual, the 'L' word was too big for me everytime i want to get down to work. mm.. let's see, i did quite a lot of things ler~ meeting up with friends, do housework, chat wif my friends, go shopping, go jb shopping.. actually no la... wat i did was just playing.. but, at least i feel much more happier, rather than keep myself at home and feeling misetable over my life.... the best of all, got to spend more time with XXX... u know lor.. I really regret not letting myself feel happy and relax all my form 6 years. It really made my life so miserable. The worse part is, when im stress out, i cant even concentrate on my studies.!! and wats the used of being stress??? isnt that stupid and foolish? mm.. i have one more month to get my last shot.. i really hope i can get the results i wish for.. i'll just have to work hard and hope for the best lor..after enjoying for a week.. i guess its time for me to work hard already.. and ya, im trying to enjoy every second of my form 6 life. Not everyone has the opportunity to study form 6 right? so.. i'll cherish every momment i have.. at least there are no regrets after leaving form 6. To anyone who feel miserable out there, try to think on the positive side of things, you will find that there are many things worth trying and worth appreciating, when u think that u are miserable, think of those who cant even have three meals a day and think of those who are living in fear. Compared to them... u will feel much more better. Relax. Sit back. & Enjoy ur Life.
Jun Jiat and me in the so called high class mamak stall in City Square
Kind a wierd drink.. Its called "teh sarapan pagi"
